To ALL Mission trippers who cant go to thailand right now

Let me get straight to the point...

Most of us, YCCA mission trippers, SJCP mission trippers and CHS mission trippers, and probably others who are going over at this time...

I may not know how you feel, most certainly disappointed and frustrated that all your hard work has gone to waste... As for myself, a certain disappointment in the fact that i wont be able to serve God by bringing back testimonies and also I wont be able to improve my skill in photography there...

In any case, we all felt that the situation in thailand caused our hard work (prayers, meetings, time given... i dunno... maybe about close to 6 months?) even for those waiting anxiously to see the people who made themselves see life in a more clearer way,or even those who have prayed hard to ask God to show them why they are going for the trip (remember that God doesnt need you but He wants you) it must have been disappointing to now how can such an incident could disrupt all the plans eh?

when i came back home and talked to my mom, i realised this same familiar feeling that I had when I faced disappointments like this, and this wasn't as bad as the first time. but then i realised that God has planned all of this right from the start already, everthing intricately designed since the time to come, but we as humans dont realise this majestic way of realising the truth.

When you sleep tonight, dont forget to thank God for making such a thing happen. I told myself before... a long long time ago, whatever we plan, remember that God is the ultimate one who plans for us. One thing i can be sure of, especially when you volunteered to go on the trip, is that God is indeed happy that you have chosen to serve Him during this time^^

I challenge you tonight, to ask yourself some questions:
1) Since God removed this mission trip, would something (good or bad, exciting) happen during this time that God has placed for me to see? ( Could be a testimony)
2) If God planned for us not to go in the end, we will be able to free up a week during our holidays for us to use?

For myself, I can testify that now that the trip is cancelled, my mom would not be too anxious if i will get back late from the airport on the 19th at 12pm (flight delayed and stuff like that), because my flight to brisbane is at 7pm and i will need to check in at 5pm. ^^

Well, i am getting kinda excited, because i know that God will show us something during this time, so i can just say, be prepared.

^^
In His Time
Jeremy Pan

supposed to study.... but....

I was supposed to study...

Ended up taking portrait shots... lol

photography!!!!

Hey all

I would like to petition you guys in my quest to become a photographer!

help me remind myself to do a few things:

1) save money to buy D700^^
2) save money to go on courses
3) take ALOT of photos
4) remind me to bring camera wherever i go (IMPT!!!)
5) Get my portfolio ready!!!
6) learn more photography/photoshop techniques


THANKS ALL IN ADVANCE!!!

Jeremy Pan

summary of events....

hey guys!!!

Alot of things has happened the past few days...

so this is the summary:

Fri 21st nov....


Took pics at macritchie reservior with Gerald, walked the "girls" route and had a nice long conversation with him. After that, rushed down to SP to do growth factor aliquoting with my fyp team... i think its the coolest FYP ever!!! cos i got to work in a lab^^ good thing the TSO was happy that day.... or not she would not have helped us... lol

After that, headed down to bukit timah plaza to meet sus and we waiting almost 1 and a half hours for the aeropostle lady to arrive with the goods.... sad thing is, my shirt was one of the four items that were out of stock. but i got the choker, which was cool.... then taxied down to my place for cell. After cell i drove each of them home^^

22nd november:


Ran with darren and nic in the morning, not say ran but 40% run, 60% walk to lower pierce.
Met the BB boys at the storeroom while they had their meeting and was surprised by handy's hair cut. Jerald's 'fake' key was stuck in the door and we had to pry it out with our fingers, came off after clayton tried it.. haha

I left shortly after that, went home to bathe and rest for awhile before going to city hall - marina square bowling to meet the church, they were playing bowling and we all had real fun! played liwei's set for awhile as aloy budged in. After that, i went to aaron's place for some catching up and a round of the PS3. we waited for the rest to come, went to rent a movie at 2am in the morning and slept at 4am. went home at 7am to sleep and do some work, and left to play soccer.

rained pretty badly, was stuck doing tactical training



xian cai ya tang!!!! rocks PP!!! cheapo food!!!



^^
Jeremy Pan

DRIVING!!!

HEYS EVERYONE!!!!

after spending almost $2.8k on lessons, i finally passed my driving!!^^^^^^^^^^

during the test, the instructor kept on tapping on the electronice tablet, i was scared that i was 'over-marked' but kept focus on driving, in the end, i passed... with 2 demerit points!!

woooooots!!!!

Today was the day i first drove... got a call from my dad while having mission trip meeting and had to go to tiong baru and drive him home... super cool sia, and scary at the same time, had to pray for protection from the Lord!!!

got horned and nearly bang into motorist in my blind spot... but i made it through!!!!

Thank GOD!!

^^
In His service
Jeremy Pan

Salomon trail run 2008 results!!!

Hi ya'll,

Today is the day i got my results... and.... not bad i'd say for my first trail run ^^^^^^^^^



will update more soon.... SUPER happy with the results



In His Service
Jeremy Pan

I love running

Its good once in a while to post something positive ^^

If i could run forever, I would run and run and run (or perhaps cycle). Too bad singapore is too roadish and there are too many cars.

I love running, running just takes your mind off things, plus, in my case, I can communicate to God^^

Ran last night, 10km around 1hr, jogged to tee's place and to the bike shop to look for bikes. Thinking of going back to cycling on the road, so am not sure about road bikes too. it was about 3km there, then i ran the remainding 7km.

Ran and ran and ran, with christian songs blaring through the headphones, i could commune with God and just pour out everything. While i was running, something came to my mind, telling me that I should put myself into two areas soon, the soccer team ministry and the BB AQ team next year.

I have a dream, that during this last year of my so called "break", i am going to accomplish what i have never had previously.

The dreams to fulfill:
1) Standard chartered 21.6km in 2hrs 15mins
2) to train the boys: AQ team 1st position
3) Upgrade myself in terms of photography
4) Build up and train a soccer team worthy of winning championships

I have 1 year to do this.

And I will do it, believe me



Because?











you now know a new version of Jeremy Pan


In His service
Jeremy Pan

If i had a wish

I would go back in time and stop myself

the 10km salomon trail run

A second person view from a first person event

5.45am: In the morning you wake up groggy and unaware, until you come to your senses that this day will be your first run ever. You hop out of bed to wash up, realising you got less than 20mins before you have to leave with your parents. The day before you were wondering how to get there and realised that your dad is leaving for the airport at 6.10am. What a Godsend.

You gobble up a banana and a slice of bread, then you go to your room and don on your race gear. Thinking of keeping it light, you dont bring a bag, only a shoulder pouch, containing your ez link card, $5 and your keys. Your handphone you place in the back pocket of your pants. Having no where to put your race tag and pins, you just hand carry them in the plastic bag they came in.

6.10am: You are called to leave now. You run to the refridgerator and grab the big kit kat waiting for your consumption. The bar is packed with energy but is difficult to chew due to the morning dryness of the mouth. You forget to hydrate but still you head out the door, knowing that you already did the day before. You get in the car and your dad drives all the way to the airport.

6.30am: You reach the airport and headed to the train station. Realising you have missed your train, you wait impatiently, eager to reach tampiness on time. the train came after 6mins and only left after 4mins, giving you time to mentally prepare your self.

6.55am: you reach tampiness after changing at tana merah, finding many people like your self wearing the same shirt. You are desperate to find the way to the place, thinking that by following someone you could reach the place, but no.. you head your own way, trudging past a sodden field and almost deserted roads to finally reach the place.

7.15am: You glimpse at the first sight of the road marshels in green. You walk up the steep road past the long line of toilet waiters and headed to the holding area. You search for your friend who made it there earlier than yourself. You found him and his friend getting ready to warm up. You introduce yourself to zhen ping. Then you head to an empty area to warm up.

7.25am: the announcers call for all the runners to get ready to do a mass warm up. You head to the area, finding your senior gerald and samual over there already. You meet up with them and chat. Gerald comments that the techfit that you are wearing is going to kill you, but you reply that you have always been training with it.

7.30am: all the racers head to the start line, and when the time arrives, the MC announces: "on your mark, get set, GO!" and all the runners break off with a steady paced run. You follow them at the back, having no chance to head forward due to the crowd. The first patch of grass you land on is fairly dry, some parts were sandy, until you go deeper and deeper into the forest where the rain touched, and the place was muddy. The rest of the runners slow down to cross safely, but your head strong attitude pushes you to run in the mud and past the runners, but dirtying your entire leg in the process.

You continue to run, pushing and pushing through crowds, that are being snaked by the narrow paths, and into the bushes by the sides, or splashing through day old mud that has been 'disturbed' by the runners ahead of you. You finally see the 3km mark and realised that you have 7km to go as someone ahead of you announces. 7km more. you run and run, being paced by the person ahead of you, you see people lose their shoe in the mud, but you just carry on. The mud gets thicker and when you step into it, you nearly lose your shoe. This is your training, no one is going to stop you.

5km left: You run and run, and realised that you are out of the forest, but the rest of the 5km is not as easy as back in the forest. the sun beats upon you like a hot blade, and the road ahead of you is straight, meadering into the hills that you see. Its going to be a long 5km, you are wearing double layer, but you push on, at points of time running at the pace of the person ahead of you. you begin to see people walking, which makes you want to walk, demoralising. You see the first runner about to head to the finishing point, demoralising.

The sun continues to beat down upon you, and the series of uphills and downhills are making it worse. But thats not the end of the misery, as you see your friends whom were behind you 5mins ago are now jogging past you as if they had a speed boost. You see a water station up ahead and go in to have a sip of gatorade. you toss the cup to the side, not wanting to slow down, the same goes with the half a bottle of mineral water, which you need the water to cool you down with the double layers you are wearing. You douse yourself with the water and toss it aside, not considering the helpers who have to pick it up later. You just want to run. You see people walking or already with the medical teams. You hear reports over the radio that a man nearly fainted but had 1km left to go and still wanted to carry on. You see people fall but get up ready to go. But its not about them, its about you.

3 km left: The series of hills were killing you, your energy depleted and down to the last of reserves. you see people walking uphill, as your jog nearly breaks down to a walk, in an attempt to reserve energy. The downhills are no use either, the slight moral boost only is greeted by another uphill that awaits you, and you are unaware of the next uphill behind it. your eyes have been only able to do 2 things, look at the ground to see where you are running, or find distance indicators along the road to see how long more is there. Either way, your mind is only focused on pushing you to jog and not to walk.

2km left: You see your friend jog pass you on the return route shouting: " 2km more PAN!" and you reply: "I'm behind you". the stretch would be the last uphill that you are going to encounter. the sun is killing you, you feel the heat of the waves burning you from the inside. You realise you have two options: die here without any identification (as you did not remember to write it at the back of your tag) or push on jogging and not even drop to a walk. Dying there is not an option, so you reduce your speed in an attempt to conserve energy till the next water point. finally you see one, and the joy of noticing that the end is near. you take your last bottle and douse yourself once more to cool yourself off. you see the distance indicator along the roads, 1km then 400m. Its going to be a last stretch.

200m left: a man pushes past you as you break off in leaps downhill. You finally see the end, pacing behind a man who did not notice you behind him, and flings his prespiration on his hair to you. you see the final end point just less than 100m ahead, you break into a sprint, flinging your arms wildly enough to get the boost you need to get your speed.

You hit the end point.

Joy and a sense of accomplishment fill you, the first race you completed and there are more to come....

Conclusion: You walk to tampiness to have breakfast with tee and zhen ping, having being full of fluids after drinking to the max the free drinks after the race. You walk home with soggy shoes only to give you a bloody blister. Your friend comments that you stink, not having any clothes to change into, but you dont care. Its over already and you cant wait for the next time you run.

I just wish i could cry in the rain

this is the first time i have ever ranted on my blog, so bear with me, i am also using it to review myself, if you have any violent objections, approach me directly and not to 'announce to everyone' or i can get quite... pissed, i type here cause i can express it better.

After all the events that have occurred, i realise the actual point where i really fell. It all comes back to the point where the people whom i know who are the same age as me and of my primary and secondary school years, could walk over me as if i was some door mat, bullied, taken advantaged and etc etc. Dont have to go through the details... but what was the reason? i was too soft

SOME HOW THE PEOPLE WHOM I TOOK CHARGE OF WHEN I WAS IN MY SENIOR YEARS, SEC 4 AND SUCH, LOOKED UP TO ME, HOW FOOLISH WAS I TO THINK THAT THEY COULD BE MY FRIENDS WHEN THEY WERE NOT EVEN THE SAME AGE AS ME. but thing was, as later i learnt that even people whom are 10years difference of age still could be close friends was a hope for me. But i lost it anyway.

It was only the realisation when i spoke to nicholas about why he (in particular people of his age) dont take me seriously. you know why? BECAUSE I CHEATED MYSELF INTO THINKING THAT LOWERING MY SELF (IN TERMS OF MATURITY) COULD GAIN FRIENDS SUCH AS YOU AND THE REST OF YOUR BATCH ESP. JONATHAN MOK. FOOLISH

In the past, everytime i have to ask those whom i knew for the first time if i looked young, i was still cheating myself that i had the 'looks' to be friends with 1991 born people, but come on... you cant blame me... I was just looking for a friend!!! Jonathan was the closest i could get already, but why did i lose him? cause of things in between, such as myself that i had to try and find. I read an article in the not too long past that states the character of a single child, that long friendships can turn out loyal and those that he lost are gone forever...

but the problem lies with me, my heart? my actions? my initiative to be a "big brother" to those i meet? nah... it was the fact that i was trying to find the person who was close to me as a friend in which my heart took over in feelings and emotion. I find it hard to smile anymore.

I now know what i must do, please forgive me in advance... if you know another way, other than prayer. cause frankly, i somehow lost the faith that prayer will see anything through (for myself i mean) everytime i ask God to show something, such as how this friendship (with jonathan) would result and stuff, would turn out... i have no reply, and truthfully, i am getting quite tired of waiting.

if you all realise lately, i have not been smiling often. As for you (glow), i have to be cold towards you, i cannot fall into that trap again of being childish and think i am 16 cos i know i am not. i have to do this because i want something for myself that i have been letting people take from me for the past 3 years and that is the freedom to choose.

I envy those with best friends, cause they are all your age. I still think of why i tried to bear no grudge against alan even though he was the one who was jonathan's best friend in the end. even as of now, i still want him to know Christ and such, but i always wonder why i do so.

I dont really care who reads this post,

nic: i doubt you really care anyway... thats why i am surprised that you really help in the youth ministry

sus: be thankful for your group of friends, cause you know someone who is tried to get that same recognition and companionship, lost it, and suffered for it, me

Chari: Thanks for being there, but no one will ever know what i face, and i dont blame you

The rest: know that jeremy pan isnt some one to step over, cause i will bite back now



Either you care or not, but as for me... its just another day that these thoughts run up my mind.

I still miss that companionship, but its gone now

I just wish i could cry in the rain